Online Personal Ads - Talking to the Opposite Sex
Published on July 19th, 2008 by Jay Reiss, M.S.W. in InternetAs an Internet Dating Coach, I regularly review Online Personal Ads to see how men and women are promoting themselves. Often the ads are written so poorly, that it’s no wonder why many people fail to attract the types of partners they’re asking for. Men often write in a matter-of-fact manner - which is absolutely not the way to communicate with women! And the women’s ads often come across as demanding - producing poor results - which ends up reinforcing their views that “all of the good men are taken.”
Here’s one example. This ad was submitted by a woman in her early 40’s -
professional who enjoys open conversation - 41
“I love to talk about books that have struck you bizarre or interesting. I do want someone to hang out with, and must enjoy talking about politics, books, places and wine. Must love chocolate!”
We can immediately see that this woman likes to communicate (and that’s a good thing, yes?) and she also enjoys “talking about everything” - including “books that have struck you bizarre.” (Are we talking about Stephen King novels here?) In addition to that, it would be great if you (as a guy) can talk about “politics, places, and wine” - but the main thing is that you love chocolate?
With an online dating ad like the ad above, I can only imagine the types of guys who’d reply!
Or - take a look at this online personal ad, from a 29-year-old guy who describes himself as a “Tattoo Teddy Bear” –
tattoo teddy bear - 29
“i just want a good girl that knows how to treat a man with respect.”
Now that was an example of an Internet dating ad that doesn’t mince words!
It’s at moments like this when I can really understand why men and women just don’t understand each other!
One of the most important concepts I’d like to convey is this: When you sit down to write your Online Dating Ads, always write them just like you’re having a regular conversation!
In other words, here is a list of what to avoid:
1. Don’t write your ad so it sounds like advertising copy from a magazine.
2. Don’t “talk down” to your readers.
3. Don’t write a one-sentence ad and expect to get many replies!
Follow these guidelines instead:
1. In your online dating ads, talk about yourself in such a way as to create an image of yourself as a real person in the mind of your reader. You might want to include some of your personal interests and hobbies - and what you enjoy doing on a date.
2. Tell the reader (without bragging) how he or she will feel when they’re with you. Put yourself in the mind and soul of your reader, and empathize with them. What are they thinking - and what might they be feeling - while reading your ad?
3. Mention some of your best inner qualities to motivate your readers to respond to your ad!
4. What’s the benefit (i.e., the “payoff”) for answering your ad right now? And finally…
5. Last but not least - use a spell-checker and make sure that both your spelling and your grammar are correct before your ad is published!
By creating an honest and empathic dialog with your reader when writing your online personal ads, you’ll be way ahead of most of your competitors for the attention of the women - or men - you’d like to hear from the most!
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